I'm posting this Because I have some issues that I've been trying to deal with on my own but it's not working out and I need someone to talk to.
I'm a 15 year old in grade nine and I have some friend issues, and self inflicting harm issues (mental and physical) .
well first off my friend issues, I have a best friend , a female, and we have a few issues. first we have done things together that we shouldn't have, we have groped each other, had oral sex and almost had sex itself. We fight over almost everything. And she comes to me with her problems and I don't know what to say to make anything better.
now this goes into the self inflicting pain part (mentally and physically). I blame myself for the immoral things we've done, I blame myself for the arguments, and I blame myself for not knowing enough to know how to help her.I blame myself for everything and I feel like a complete failure to my friend, Myself and God I know I shouldn't blame myself for everything but I do and I cant help it. This fact leads me to beat myself up mentaly and I now have cut myself over it.
I have grown up in a Christian home all my life and I am a Christian but like every other red blooded male I sin and I don't know what to do with myself annymore.
Please anyone HELP!!!!!
Written by: A Soul In Torment.
Logan, stop hurting yourself with unnecessary pain! Jesus has forgiven you, you must forgive yourself!
I suggest you to apologize to your friend for what you have done to her and stay away from her. Learn from Joseph when dealing with the temptation of sexual sin, he fled!
i hope my other friends in this forum will be able to help you more, at this time you are in my prayers!
So you suggest that I just run away from my problems and not deal with them face-to-face.
I realy appreciate your reply but I don't think running away is the answer.
I mean if we take Jonah into account when he had a problem, instead of dealing with it face-to-face he just ran away and look were that got him.
guilt, Logan is something the devil loves to use as a means to inflict impending doom into his victims..and the thing is, it works!
But the thing is, when we feel alone, wrestling and questioning, feeling empty and full of doubts; when it feels like the devil has his boot on our throat, and when we have the burden of guilt so tightly tied around us like an albatross- even though our trials may seem bigger than Mount Everest, we can still pray with such incredible faith that it can move the immovable.
How? you may ask- By shifting our focus from the size of the mountain to the sufficiency of the mountain mover: Jesus Christ.
Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell the storm how big your God is...
Now Logan, I used to really struggle with guilt- a lot of it. I traveled down some pretty dark tunnels of remorse because of past mistakes and screw ups- however it took me a long time before I realized that I didn’t have to live with the guilt of those things. Deuteronomy 33:27 tells us that: “…The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms”. And it wasn’t until I honestly and sincerely gave up the skeletons of my past to the God of Glory that died for me, that I was able to get ride of all that guilt.
I have to run, Logan. I hope to talk with you more about his. Praying for you! LM
I don't know if I can offer much help in this situation. But I just keep falling back on a few things.
The first is that we have been talking about sex in my youth group. When boundaries are crossed, especially when it is not in God's timing, then it is easy to feel really guilty. Unfortunately we have to live with the consequences that brings, but God is a caring Father. Contrary to what we often feel, God isn't waiting to strike us with lightning because we have done something we shouldn't have. He is however, waiting with the same amount of love and forgiveness that he always has had for us. God forgiving us isn't hard, it is us forgiving ourselves that is hard. I think that we often take too literally the phrase forgive and forget. We think that God literally just doesn't remember what we have done. I have talked a lot with my youth pastor and he has helped me to get a better understanding of this. Sin isn't so much an action as it is a state of mind. When we sin it is because of the desires of our hearts. Yes, most sin ends in action but you can sin without even taking any actions, which means that it start in your heart. The easiest thing to compare it to is a disease, like alcoholism. It is the mindset that makes you an alcoholic not just the drinking. It is not the actions that are the sin, it is the mindset that causes us to take that action. So when God forgives us he is cleansing us from the disease of sin. That doesn't mean we won't slip up and it doesn't mean that we don't have to deal with the consequences. You can't forgive and forget, because you will always remember, but you can forgive yourself and others like God forgives. By realizing that for a moment we were not in God's plan and that our own desires took control and then moving forward fixing on God and what he wants from us, we can forgive ourselves. It might be something that we have to do more than once, but if God forgives us then he moves on and doesn't hold it against us. God gives us a chance to start over, maybe physically we can't but we can spiritually.
As for not knowing what to say, sometimes that is the best thing. It doesn't always feel good. But it is better for a friend to not know what to say or not give advice. I have learned through a really hard experience that a friend is going through, that the best thing I can do for her is not give advice. She really needs me to just sit and listen and encourage her to let God handle things, to keep doing what is right. I want to tell her something that will make the problem go away because I can't stand to see her in the amount of pain she has had to go through but she needs to rely on God and I need to just offer a comforting place for her. That means keeping my thoughts to myself and not saying anything, especially when I don't really know what to say. When I am at a loss for something to tell her I pray with her. I know it sounds corny, but she needs that and that's the best I can do sometimes.
Beating yourself up over things, whether physically or mentally, is a very dangerous road to go down. I have another friend who went down that road and almost lost her life, her physical life and worse her spiritual life. The night she was going to take her life, her parents came to her rescue and she fell onto Jesus. But she was lucky. After she came back she talked to me about how fast she seemed to slide down that road. She is thankful that it has become a part of her testimony but has said that it is not something that you should hope for. Too many people don’t get a chance to turn their experiences into a testimony. Guilt is good, if it makes you realize that you have sinned, but if it lingers, it is the devil at work. It is such a dangerous road to go down. I am sorry that I can't give an answer as to how you stop that, but most definitely my prayers go out to you both.
I suggest you talk to your parents and seek professional counselling, especially if you are cutting yourself.
You may not be around as this thread is a little old, but I am new here [and a youthworker].
So - first the cutting [and I will happily discuss any of the other things but will wait until I know you are still around].
As you may know many young people physically hurt themselves in an attempt to deal with the emotional pain - kind of mask it or replace it. [You will probably also realise that it doesn't work in the medium to long term!].
So - cutting is understandable - you are trying to deal with the guilt, trying to 'forget about it' as you have to deal with the physical pain.
Of course, it isn't the right approach as what happens is the guilty feelings increase as you now feel bad for cutting yourself too.
The answer is to deal with the core issue direct and not attempt to mask it or cover it with something else.
I would love to hear how things are now - a few weeks on - let me know and we can continue.
Logan ole boy. Here is your answer. Pay attention.
1. Guilt is a negative emotion. God is love. He does not want you to feel negative. Give it up. It is a waste of time and energy. Reasons to feel guilt come from man...not from God. Do you assume God's love is conditional. Think again. It isn't.
3. Sex: Think about this. The human race has made all sorts of exceptions about killing people. Our laws allow for capitol punishment. We can kill in self defense. We support armies to kill. YET...we have no exceptions for sex outside of marriage. This means the way humans assume ...God thinks it is ok to kill but not to have sex outside of marriage. This came from man and not from God. God wants us to love. Sex is only one of zillions of ways to express love.
4. The way this 3D/physical work is created you can only make choices (free will) for you. You are not responsible for anyone else. THis is simple. Have compassion, show love, give joy to all those you know in need. But never, not ever feel guilt or any negative emotion.
Science has unravelled the mystery about human emotions. Every emotion has a unique protein associated with it and when you feel these emotions go into your blood stream and the cells take them in. You then become chemically, at the cellular level of you...what you are feeling. The body is simply reacting to what you choose. Negative emotions deplete your immunne system and cause all sorts of problems. This is a medical fact. Do you think God wants you to do this to your body? If you do, think again. He doesn't. Guilt is a product of our society not God.
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